The Agony and Naivete of Youth

I recently had a discussion with a friend about the movie "The Last Samurai." Being half Japanese, I immediately identified with a lot of the struggles in the movie, as well as the emotional overtones of the characters. Aside from the blatantly Hollywood ending, and the improbably sharing of affections between Tom Cruise and Koyuki, I thought it was a fantastic movie.

But, that's not what this post is about. It got me to thinking... There is a feeling of melancholy throughout the entire film, one that causes me to be on the verge of tears throughout its entirety. I felt the same sensation when watching "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," and very nearly when watching "Spirited Away." What was that feeling?

I still haven't quite figured it out, but I have a theory. When we are younger, and we don't have as much emotional experience, everything we do, everything we feel has an almost amplified sense of importance. Every argument you have with a friend is the end of the world, every crush you have is the beginning of the end. Because of it all, we almost always feel like we are nearly fighting for our very lives. We are passionate as teenagers... which would explain why so many people remember so fondly or hate so passionately their high school years.

The thing is, though, as you get older, you grow more experienced, more capable of dealing with emotions while maintaining balance. You grow to realize how little most of your actions affect the world, or how little most things affect your life in the long run. You grow apathetic. It's exhausting to keep up that sense of emotional dedication to *everything*.

But, movies like those mentioned above, and songs like "A Lack of Color" by Death Cab for Cutie, remind me of those emotions. Remind me of that heart-wrenching feeling you get when you first fall in love, first get heart-broken, or those times you poured everything you had into something because you were sure that you wanted to dedicate your life to it.

Is that level of emotion healthy? Perhaps not all the time. But, it doesn't hurt to hang onto some of that passion.