Blech
So I managed to catch some sort of bug in Japan. Not sure what it is, but it feels uncomfortably similar to walking pneumonia (hacking cough with lots of phlegm, dizziness, stomach cramps, etc). Despite taking tons of Airborne and vitamin C while in Japan, I suppose being surrounded by 4-5 sick people really didn't help. I just hope I didn't give it to my grandpa before I left (my mom is sick now, too).
But man, the sickness combined with the severe jetlag, combined with the general tumulous state of mind that I'm in really isn't a good combination. My head is in a fog and I have no sense of space or time (not particularly a good time to be driving, I suppose).
Have you ever thought that your life would be so much easier if you could simply read other people's minds? Or maybe life would be that much harder knowing the ulterior motives of everyone surrounding you? I consider myself fairly skilled at reading the motives of other men, but with women... I don't think women understand other women. At our core, I think men and women essentially want the same thing, but we simply approach things from completely different vectors. It's cause for all sorts of confusion and miscommunication. I suppose that's why it's refreshing to meet people who simply speak their mind, but not in a way that puts you on the spot or places any sort of unwanted pressures on you.
On a side note, finally sat down to start watching the first season of 24 from the beginning. I bought the DVD box set for seasons 1 and 2 on the Black Day sale at Best Buy for $20 a season, but haven't had the time to watch them since. Pretty awesome stuff so far (I'm only 3 episodes into the first season). Jack Bauer really *is* the man.
13 Comments:
"Jack Bauer really *is* the man."
Until episode 6 where he dies and they replace him with an android.
Oops.
SPOILER!
3:38 PM
At our core, I think men and women essentially want the same thing, but we simply approach things from completely different vectors. It's cause for all sorts of confusion and miscommunication.
I think I agree with you 100%. It's much better to assume that we want the same things than assuming men and women are taught to want different things, because it allows me to see others as simply people rather than their sex.
And I also agree on the methods of communication. Here is a really harmless example:
Seppo wants to go see a movie. He says, "Let's go see this movie on Saturday. I'll pick up tickets before dinner." He knows he wants to go, so he makes concrete decisions about it before presenting it to others, with the firm intention of going.
I want to go see a movie. I say, "I really want to go see that movie. Does that movie seem interesting to you?" I want to see this movie just as much as Seppo wanted to see the other movie, and in my mind, I've expressed my interest and possible intent to see it as clearly and definitively as possible, but leaving the window open for Seppo (or a friend) to show interest. Generally, my girlfriends who speak similarly will concretely respond back at this point whether they want to go see it or not. Seppo might answer, "Oh yeah, that seems interesting," but not answer back concretely, because he doesn't see my question as a "real" intent to make plans.
Understanding that type of interaction has been a huge help in our relationship. It's often frustrating because I believe I'm being 100% clear (and this is affirmed by other women who have been socialized in a similar manner as me who respond as I expect -- not so much by other women who haven't been) and Seppo feels that I should be waaaay more straightforward. So I'm better at being clear in a way that works with *him* (because if I'm trying to make plans with him, t doesn't matter if another person that's not Seppo can understand me), and he's better at understanding the way I talk.
But it really has to be a two-way street or the feeling of doing "all the work" (which it's not, but feel that way) will be too overwhelming for any one human being.
3:52 PM
Then there's my fiance...
Fiance: (out of the blue) That was funny!
Me: What was?
Fiance: ...
Me: ???
Fiance: Okay, I think I brought you in on the wrong part of that conversation. I was talking about that thing we saw on TV last night.
Me: Conversation? That was the first thing you said!
:D
Really, though, I believe men and women can learn to communicate (or at least, recognize particular intentions based upon phrasing) on an individual basis, but that is simply a matter of learning to communicate with that person. On a large scale, it's just too hard. Hell, I've even asked other women, "What did so-and-so mean when they said this?" and have gotten polar-opposite explanations.
Go figure.
5:19 PM
You are so weird. :D I think aside from very specific types of things (along the lines of what I mentioned), it's very easy to communicate across gender lines. :D
9:20 PM
I think that yes, men & women approach things in fundamentally different ways, if you look at sort of an aggregate of both genders. I have no idea whether it's primarily a biological thing, or a cultural thing, though there are definitely little hypotheses running around in my head that lean towards biology, rather than culture. Obviously, individuals are different, but again, in *general*, it really does seem like there's some evolutionary mechanisms involved.
What you need to do is be able to think, "Women are crazy," then also learn to completely surpress that notion, and never, ever say it in the presence of a woman.
crap.
10:59 PM
*rolls eyes* :p
I think that in this day and age of cultural observation and behavioral sciences, we see that society and environmental up bringing has a MUCH stronger influence on the way people behave than biology. Sure, I totally believe that biology has a tangible impact, but upbringing and socialization takes the lead by a huge margin.
To dismiss a behavior that one doesn't understand as "crazy" or incomprehensible because it's by a sex you don't identify with is being intellectually lazy. Everyone has different levels of barriers (or facilitators) to communication. It's just a matter of understanding the particular scale of barrier with a given individual and making a proportional effort (when it's worth it to you).
11:05 PM
(Yes, I know you were being funny. Or "funny". :D)
11:08 PM
"I think that in this day and age of cultural observation and behavioral sciences..."
To me, that's the problem. That's a huge focus of our current manner of thinking, and it puts aside a lot of "baser" instincts that I think it's not really salient to ignore.
Look at the behaviour of dogs. Look at a pack of mixed-gender dogs, and watch how their interactions play out. They're *so* dominated by biology. They haven't established all these cultural norms, and yet, they behave almost completely differently, when placed in a social environment.
I'm not saying that cultural input can be ignored - obviously, it can't. But I'm saying that if I had to make a personal assessment, I'd say that we're leaning *too* far away from the base instincts that differentiate men from women, in order to acheive some gender-neutral leftist ideal.
Which I think *is* ideal, in an ideal world, where everyone's equal, and we're all happy. But we don't live in that ideal world, and we can't ignore a lot of "human nature," or the primal impulses we feel, and that it's better to acknowledge those differences, and understand how they contribute to the various issues of communication, understanding, and behaviour, rather than to repress and ignore them in favor of an unrealistic and potentially impossible ideal, however attractive that might be.
YEAH!
11:13 PM
I'm not saying ignore human nature. It's just that the other things weigh in SO much more in explaining how individuals behave. The possible range of behaviors and motivations within a sex is far more vast than the difference between any one "average" male and one "average" female.
Take two people (say, siblings) raised in a very similar environment. Regardless of sex, they would be most likely better able to communicate with each other than a stranger of the same sex picked off the street.
It's all about figuring out the individual and respecting the differences and learning to get through that.
1:20 PM
Why don't you two get a room?
:p
8:54 AM
So... Let me get this straight.
Seppo wants to hit ei-nyung over the head with a club in a Tarzan-like fashion, but ei-nyung wants an equal opportunity to bash Seppo over the head with said club?
12:20 PM
Another random note:
We just had all our phones changed at work. Now we use the exact same phones as CTU!!!1!
1:31 PM
Man, I thought I was so clever using Seppo's favorite "intellectually lazy" label but no one caught it! Boo! :D
11:52 AM
Post a Comment
<< Home